MARRIAGE: “WHAT IF IT’S NOT ME WHO’S LIVING ANYMORE?”

What if our beliefs are not correct? What if we go about it wrong?

"And I am crucified with Mashiah. And if I live, it is no longer I who live, but it is Mashiah who lives in me. If I now live in the flesh, I live in faith in the Son of Elohim who loved me and gave himself for me. Galatians 2:20

Because the commitment of marriage is sealed by a physical act, which then becomes a consensual and common practice in the marital relationship, some have the impression of leaving the spiritual domain to return to the carnal domain. As a result, they think that their action in marriage is only their own initiative, as if, when it comes to the home and married life, we stopped thinking and acting through the Spirit of Yehoshua, who is supposed to reign over the new creature that we are. Thus, there arise erroneous interpretations of the scriptures and misunderstandings which undermine many couples of "Christians", who have not understood that our identity as disciples of Yehoshua prevails (Luke 2: 43-49 to meditate) over all the rest and therefore that the Spirit of Yehoshua who is in us will never submit to the carnal man who remains his enemy. Although married, it is therefore a question in all areas of carrying out spiritual actions under the direction of the Spirit in order to accomplish the will of Elohim. Marriage does not render the Spirit of Yehoshua in us obsolete.

To those who are in the assemblies but who do not yet have the mentality of the new Jerusalem, who have not yet embraced its culture. Both men and women are concerned, yes, being a woman is not a guarantee of good moral health or of having the thoughts of Elohim in matters of marriage or any other subject for that matter. And unfortunately, these women who are supposed to help others, are the first victims of their way of thinking and the "false beliefs" they have on this subject, because often, they themselves are not happy with the practice of the advice they give to others.

Let's stop thinking that a married woman only has duties and obligations and no rights, or perhaps, that she has more duties and obligations than she has rights. That the Bible (The Word of Yehoshua, the Bridegroom par Excellence) legitimizes that she is marginalized, minimized and considered as belonging to a lower caste. That her usefulness be as a piece of furniture is brought to be in an interior, that is to say to furnish, adorn, by having a piece of space in the back or in the foreground, depending on whether its "sovereign" husband is willing to grant it to her, in this space which is “his alone”!

Let us stop thinking that she is devoid of will and initiative, as if her communion with the Holy Spirit was interrupted after her marriage to be replaced by the relationship with her husband, and therefore, like furniture, she cannot be in movement only on the sole sovereign initiative of this husband.

Let's stop thinking that her relationship with Elohim and her spiritual growth are only possible through that of her husband. Which would imply that if her husband is a baby in the faith, she cannot be more firm/mature, more discerning, and have more knowledge without this being labeled insubordination. This would be forbidden to her, because she is supposed to be the non-knower of the couple and her husband is the knower (in erroneous reference to 1 Corinthians 14: 35). If he doesn't know, she shouldn't know, because he must always know more than her, it is he who must teach her and not the opposite!

This would mean that only man is called to have the identity of son, that is to say to resemble Yehoshua. Thus, the husbands are (already) resembling Yehoshua in every way and therefore in his image, are already saved, only the wives are to be saved, in the image of the Church. And therefore, the Holy Spirit that women have received, has been communicated to them to a lesser extent than that which men have received, and if the husband does not play his role as teacher for his wife, she will remain ignorant.

Thus, the Holy Spirit who is the teacher par excellence (1 John 2:27) does not teach women, only their husbands. That Yehoshua and the Father according to John 14:23 come not to make their abode in women only in men; thus, those who are not married are not taught by the Spirit, or perhaps they are only taught by the "Pastor" of the local assembly, or perhaps, after their marriage, the Holy Spirit stops to teach them to let their husbands do it???

Is this what the scriptures teach us?

Let us stop thinking that, because it is written that the husband is the head of the wife as the Mashiah is that of the Church and that she must serve him as such, this means that he becomes the Mashiah for her, But no ! he didn't die for her!!! This is why, this does not mean that her husband is in the same place as the Mashiah or that he comes to replace the Mashiah in the life of this woman, and especially not that the Holy Spirit in a woman has the only vocation to make the woman serve her husband, who became “Elohim” for her.

Caution ! the Bible is not just a series of verses, it is Yehoshua Himself, so there is no contradiction, no ounce of confusion. The Spirit of Yehoshua in us is the fullness of what is written, and it is He who makes us grasp the meaning, who makes us understand what is not literally written and the depth of what is literally written.

To many people, the writings are one thing and the Holy Spirit is another. However, the Spirit is the source of the writings, which is why without the Spirit they are only words which have a religious connotation. Therefore, this Spirit is the one who lives in the vessels that we are, men and women, and in the same proportion, because there is not one Spirit of Yehoshua for women and another for men. This is why man and woman can be one, because it is the same Spirit that is in each of them.

Where is the difficulty?

"But I would that you should not be anxious. He who is not married is anxious about the things of the Lord, and how he will please the Lord. 33 But he who is married is anxious about the things of this world, as he pleases his wife, 34 he is divided. Likewise there is a difference between the married woman and the virgin: the unmarried one worries about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy body and spirit. But she who is married worries about the things of the world, how she will please her husband. 35 But I say this for your own benefit, not to throw a noose on you, but for that which is honorable, AND THAT YOU MAY BE DEVOTED TO THE LORD, WITHOUT DISTRACTION." 1 Corinthians 7:32-35 (BYM)

Often those who come to "help", "advise" couples tell them, "wife be submissive, wife do this, do that for your husband", "husband, love your wife... do this, do that to your wife ", "think of your family", "think of your children". It's always about bringing you back to each other, as if you become the solution. This way of doing things is superficial, because if the man or woman is not doing the right thing, it will not be enough to give them advice. It is not at the level of one or the other of the couple as if, if I am pleasant to my husband or wife that's enough. But rather, each person's relationship with the Lord, that's the key!

When we hear marriage, we think that the bride and groom must now focus on each other and that the Lord becomes nothing more than a kind of old wise man to whom we can or cannot go to have (only) sound advice. And often based on this passage 1 Corinthians 7:4, we even think that they have the right to control themselves and do what they want with each other's bodies. And even others believe that marriage exempts us from developing the fruit of self-control, referring to 1 Corinthians 7:9.

Namely, our poor understanding/interpretation of the scriptures results in the bad state of our hearts. If we do not die we will always interpret it with the inclinations which are in the flesh and therefore which comfort the carnal man.

To return to the subject, we are continually encouraged to satisfy and please him or her as a solution to the well-being, peace and stability of the couple and, it is the same thing when there are problems, but often, it is in favor of the husband: "woman the bible says, by your attitude, you can win your husband...". We have become so accustomed to interpreting the scriptures in this sense that what people understand is that, to please the Lord a wife must satisfy her husband, and likewise the husband, his wife. As a result, a husband can give himself the right to think that if he is not satisfied with his wife, the Lord is not satisfied either. As if, now that they are married, the person to please in order to have Salvation is the husband (or in the minority of cases, the wife). However, the ONLY person to please remains Yehoshua, the Bridegroom, the one to whom men and women are married for eternity. And this is what the Apostle Paul tried to warn us about in this passage from 1 Corinthians 7:32-3.

So we end up believing that we can do without the Mashiach to have a peaceful and harmonious home where there is no arguing over roles and where everything fits together perfectly. It is enough for the wife to satisfy her husband and vice versa. But regular intimate relationships won't do anything, hearty meals won't help, and all the tricks that people come up with as the ultimate solution to the worst of the worst. Indeed, most advice is in fact only the result of what must be, and not the means, the means being The Lord Himself . If He has not taken hold of our heart, if it is not He who lives, we will achieve nothing. And mainly, this demonstrates that this notion of "it is no longer I who live, but Mashiah" in reference to Galatians 2:20 is very poorly assimilated and therefore very little experienced within the home.

We do not save our soul by getting married and therefore by satisfying the "four wishes of one's husband", but rather by obeying the Lord. And, obedience to the Lord for a (married) woman is not only linked to her action in the home, or to doing EVERYTHING her husband wishes!!! Before being married she belonged to the Lord, after getting married too!!! Her husband can desire things that are not pleasing to the Lord, but will she have to disobey the Lord in order to obey her husband, in view of the submission she owes to him “as to the Lord”?!!

The fact is that people in the assemblies will teach others to do as they do based on practices that do not make themselves happy, and that is normal, since the ways we have been accustomed to do, do not satisfy the justice of Elohim in terms of fairness, but also, love, benevolence and/or above all life through the Spirit. We therefore prepare people for divorce more than anything else. And we are surprised that there are very few couples happy and in harmony (according to Yehoshua), the majority only "save the testimony" by pretending in the eyes of those who only see appearances, that their relationship is going well.

This is because on the surface this way of understanding things, with the position of the woman dominated by the man and relegated to a role of underling (which is also the result of the curse following disobedience ), seems to be what His Word teaches us, but it is only a facade. For, although the apostle Paul gave instructions, this does not insinuate as some (unenlightened people) like to say, that the Word of YHWH contradicts itself and that it fails to take a clear position on certain subject ; making us believe in this regard that "the Universal Declaration of Human Rights" put in place by humans, stipulating that all men are born equal, is more just in this regard, than the Lord who Himself created them. It is absolutely necessary to understand that when we talk about equality, we are not insinuating that all humans have the same appearance or the same physical strength (in that case we would have to accept racism and all other kinds of discrimination for example ). But rather, the same rights and duties. And more precisely for us disciples of Jesus, the same rights and duties as redeemed/soldiers enlisted in the army of the Great King. And this poor understanding of things is unfortunately maintained by many brothers and sisters.

Indeed, His Word instructs us on an essential fact, that of JUSTICE (equity, reciprocity...) which Love ACCORDING TO THE LORD demands (This is why we can read: " Practice justice and law is for YHWH preferable to sacrifice ." Proverbs 21:3).

And so, the following passage is not often used when teaching about marriage and in particular, which many men (but also many women) do not integrate as a common practice in the home. Matthew 7:12 “ Whatever you want people to do for you, do the same for them, for this is the Torah and the prophets .” , which joins the passage from Romans 13: 9 "(...) you shall love your neighbor as yourself" , and consequently, which allow us to better understand this passage from Ephesians 5: 28 "(...) He who loves his wife loves himself ". If we understand the passage from Matthew 7:12 literally, it applies to everyone, and connected to Ephesians 5:28, we could also read it, in the context of marriage, "what you want your spouse does for you, do the same for him/her.” “What you would like for your own body, do the same for your wife.”

What escapes us when we understand Ephesians 5 on marriage is to understand that when the Bible speaks of Yehoshua and the Church, it is because it is fundamentally a RELATIONSHIP OF LOVE, not of dominant and dominated, not of the commander and the commanded, not of the one who is below and the one who is above, not of the teacher and the student. It was not like this in the beginning! This is also why this chapter of Ephesians 5 begins like this: " Become imitators of Elohim, like beloved children, 2 AND WALK IN LOVE just as Mashiah loved us (... )". Did you take it into account?

My mother taught me a long time ago and I may shock many by emphasizing a few lines here. You know what ? We are all groom (spouse) and bride (spouse) at the same time. Bridegroom because we have the Spirit of the Bridegroom (The Son) in us and wife because we are all members of his Church which is his Bride.

Sister, just like you, your husband is a bride, you, a man, are the bride of Yehoshoua as a member of his Church. You sister, just like your husband, are clothed with the Spirit of the Bridegroom (Yehoshoua). So the Lord meant that this is one of the reasons why before verse 22 of Ephesians 5 from which the Apostle Paul talks to us about marriage, we can read in verse 21: " submitting to one to others in the fear of Elohim . It is not simply a question of the submission that we owe to older people as a sign of respect, but because all of us who are clothed with His Spirit are called in one way or another to exercise this authority, that His Spirit gives us through our new identity; And all the more so because His Spirit in us is the one who triumphs over the limits of our humanity, determined by gender and physical abilities.

My brother (my sister who did not understand), have you observed the treatment that Yehoshua gives to you, His bride? If you realize the demands that the position of the Groom requires, I would ask you to show a lot of compassion for your wife! Because you, as the brides of Yehoshua, are treated with every consideration, he calls you, "precious pearl", "apple of these eyes", He fills you with love so that you are always able to do what He expects from you. Is this how you act with the wife He put by your side? Where is she just your handywoman, the one who will give birth to your offspring, and the one who allows you to have lawful intimate relations?

If we take things at the basics according to the Spirit, the Lord teaches us that the greatest is he who serves others, which is often the opposite of what we understand and observe when it comes to the daily life of the home. It is disobedience that led us to this, have you not understood yet? And therefore, may obedience bring us back to what was originally established or rather, to the initial plan of Elohim, when the heart of man was not infected by sin.

When He created them (both), it was in His image (Genesis 1:26-27). It is not a question of the image on the basis of gender, or of the simple physical appearance but of the Spirit who animated them because, one thing is made clear to us, " Elohim is Spirit " (John 4: 24 ). It is His Spirit that He breathed into man and our resemblance to him comes from what is within us and not first from what is exposed to view. If we align ourselves on this basis of physical appearance, who would look more similar? I am not talking here about works of faith but about the physical aspect of humans. Because, men and women without distinction, despite their physical differences, are originally created in the image of Elohim.

“And YHWH Elohim said: It is not good for a human being to be alone. I will make him a helper who is his counterpart” Genesis 2: 18 (BYM)

Thus, Genesis 2:18 tells us of YHWH's initiative (by creating woman) to create something vis-à-vis to man, this therefore means that they are similar, only gender differentiates them. The one who creates them does not qualify any as inferior to the other. Vis-à-vis, being the best translation since it is faithful to the Hebrew term neged which has the meaning "in front of", like the image that a mirror reflects to us and not "below" or "behind" like many prefer or persist in understanding it. The passage from Ecclesiastes 4 is a landmark of choice, in understanding the thoughts of Elohim on this passage from Genesis, I will let us meditate on it, Ecclesiastes 4: 9-12.

When the Lord wants us to marry between Christians, that is to say, between two brides (since we're the church) of Yehoshua, that is to say, two people in total submission to their Spouse, Yehoshua, HE who remains the Bridegroom and the Head of each of them, it is because it implies that each member of the couple has understood these things and that they are willing to act in this way. But when people have knowledge more than they have a heart according to the Lord, inevitably we find many marriages in danger and homes in disarray. Because, if the Bible says that the man is the head of the woman, it has done no less by demonstrating in the person of Yehohua what a head is! He did not claim leadership (Philippians 2:5-11), He did so by laying down His Life. HE Is the first to have submitted, the first to have obeyed until the gift of His Life, He Is the first in EVERYTHING (Colossians 3: 18) because HE is THE Reference and, He is THE Way because A leader is also the one who shows the way. But most of the teachings that I have heard on this subject, preached by women as well as by men today, seem to give the responsibility to the woman to show the way and to be the model of her house and then we speaks of insubordination. And moreover in this regard, it is to be remembered that, the Lord will not let a house go adrift because the man does not do what is expected of him, if, the woman fears Him and is willing, her, to walk under His instructions. As in the days of Deborah, He will raise up women if there are no visionary men. He who is able to raise up/make stones cry out (Luke 19:40), would He not do it? Many men and women reference 1 Corinthians 14:34 to silence women. As said above, do you think the scriptures contradict itself ? If when you read your Bible you underline certain passages and ignore others, you will be confused! Indeed, at first glance, we have the impression that she is saying one thing and then its opposite.

Surely, if you can silence a woman, can you silence the Spirit of Yehoshua that is in the woman? or maybe the Spirit of Yehoshua in the woman is mute, inactive?

Please understand things in the Spirit, “the letter kills”!

To those who risk taking this text as feminism, let's read/reread Joël 3 , and thus pray with Luke 11:13 in mind.

Elohim is the author! It is He, by His Spirit who lives and acts through us, as through vase, because all things are done by His means and for Him. He looks at the heart not at the gender!! What guarantees His action through us (men and women) is holiness and not the fact of being of the masculine gender.

However, we are supposed to experience the first fruits of heaven on this earth through our consecration and this requires the precision provided by the passage from the apostle Paul, Galatians 3:26-29 (To meditate), but what's it really ?

Why is this of such importance?

This reservation expressed by the Apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 7: 32-35 shows us that your husband or wife can become a subject of distraction to your devotion because of the energy that you constantly deploy to please him, this which in addition to keeping you in the flesh, hinders walking in the Spirit. This is why he did not encourage people to get married, certainly he had made the same observation as me, that people in couples, with the encouragement of others were led to constantly seek to to please or to seduce oneself. The ulterior motive being that the woman must remain an object of desire for her husband and the husband must remain an object of admiration for his wife so that everyone continually finds satisfaction in the home. The result was/is that this distracted them from the real purpose of their discipleship, from their commitment to the Shepherd of their soul and in particular, from the instrument that they are in the hands of the Mashiah for the Salvation of souls and in the occurrence of both.

We want to please the other so much that we will avoid at all costs upsetting him, disagreeing with him or opposing him, etc. Let us know that when we take a stand (under the Lord's instruction, of course!), it is not against flesh and blood (which is only our physical habitation), nor against the soul of that person, but rather against the enemies of Elohim, that is to say carnal man and the principalities of the world of darkness. And so when we do not agree with the Lord to work in this way in the lives of one another, we evade our duty as disciples, because "we do not have to fight against flesh and blood" and the risk of marriage is to be content to see the other as someone towards whom we only have marital duties and to extinguish our discernment in order to create harmony, which will in reality be only superficial, an ephemeral comfort zone.

We often seem to forget an essential fact whether we are newlyweds or married for a while, namely, it is no longer us who live but it is THE Mashiach who lives in us. We no longer do what we want with our body or our life because it is another, Yehoshua, who now has its Lordship. For this purpose we become exclusively instruments in His Hand, and being married is no obstacle to Him, since all hearts are in His hand and He inclines them as He wills (Proverbs 21:1).

Husband, wife, you remain an instrument in the hand of Elohim, who can use one or the other as an instrument for the perfection of each (Proverbs 27: 17). The situations of the couple can be tools for the Lord to test our love, our obedience for Him, in order to expose our hearts, in order to reveal sin in our lives as a couple or individual, in order to reveal open doors to the evil one, to correct us, warn us, etc. The Lord can harden your husband's heart for a short time to wake you up, the Lord can remove any desire for intimate relationships from your wife to break the carnal man, etc. (again, being married does not exempt us, for example, from developing self-control in all areas).

He told the people of Israel in Deuteronomy 8 that he starved them and then fed them with manna so that they would understand that man will not live by bread alone but by every word that comes out of His mouth. These trials had also served to reveal the true state of their hearts.

The work that the Lord began in our lives at the moment of our conversion does not end on our wedding day, on the contrary, it gets tougher! the Apostle Paul warns us briefly about this in 1 Corinthians 7:28, but the one which most reveals the difficulty is this passage from 1 Corinthians 7:29 " But I say to you this, brothers: The time is short. From now on, let those who have wives as if they had none . Does this mean that we must neglect our homes, our wives, our husbands? NO ! This should be seen as advice, almost a warning, that the exclusivity required by the commitment of marriage should never steal/distract/subtract us from the supreme exclusivity required by our commitment to the Lord, the Spouse of each of us.

Practically!!!

I have a brother who acted very wisely one day, a husband complained about his wife saying that she did not want to iron her clothes and the brother asked the husband "could you iron your wife's clothes?" This husband had at least the honesty to answer "NO". Have you discerned the state of heart of this husband, who demands from his wife but who is not able to produce the thing he complaints about this woman? This situation of which he complains acts as a revealer, if there had not been his brother to ask him the question, there would have been a brother or sister who would have been content to say to this woman, "sister, you have to iron your husband's clothes, that's your role", and that would have ended there. To avoid any confusion, it is not a question here of encouraging sin or rebellion against possible wicked husbands (or wives for that matter), we can pretend in front of men, but our attitude of heart does not escape the Lord. If a man or woman wants to pretend to act in the name of Elohim to do evil, he will receive his reward. There have always been hypocrites in the assemblies, this should not lead us to make generalizations of these cases, and prevent us from preaching the Truth, otherwise it is in the flesh that we act in turn.

What we must understand is that, even in the context of marriage, Elohim continues to make "all things work for our good" (Romans 8: 28-29), and this also involves the conscious and unconscious action of our spouse. The goal being our perfect resemblance to Yehoshua and not, the personal satisfaction of him or her. The issue is not at the level of simple emotional stability or the psychological well-being of each person, etc. The Apostle Paul describes marriage as a "mystery", let's stop confining it to the domain of flesh and blood. The physical act which relates to the intimacy of marriage, reveals the spiritual consequence of our intimacy with the Lord, our profound knowledge of Him, our unity in Him and the fact that to give birth to things which have his "DNA", which are from Him, we must know Him and become ONE with Him. It is no longer a question here of the simple domain of our physical appearance or of what is exposed to view!

So, to return to the little anecdote taken as an example previously, you see there is a reciprocity in this couple that you form or will form that it is necessary to understand whatever the area, marriage according to Yehoshoua is not not devoid of Justice. It is not a matter of obligations and duties, because first of all, it is, as said above, a relationship of love, everything that is done between Le Mashiah and his Church is for foundation of Love. He first manifested Love and the Church responds to this love or rather loves in turn by submitting.

When there is conflict in a couple, it often results from the fact that each person has neglected their intimacy with the bridegroom and/or has ceased to be subject to Him in one area or another. This should alert us as disciples of the Mashiah because, being married does not justify that anything takes HIS place, or that apart from him we have another priority and even more another authority. Even our service in the home, of which He is the prescriber, cannot be justified in this regard to prevail over Him (To meditate on Matthew 10: 37, Mark 10: 28-30) . It is He alone who is the guarantor of peace, joy, love in our home. AND if he does not remain in His place as Sovereign, we are no longer assured of anything.

It should also be emphasized that we are called to walk by the Spirit and therefore to remain dependent on these instructions to live and act, let us be careful not to let ourselves be distracted and surpassed by our marital commitments. Let us also be careful to remain alert and attentive in the Spirit at the risk of not understanding and therefore acting or speaking wrongly, that is to say outside of instructions, therefore in the flesh, because, everything that will be done in the flesh will result in flesh, spiritual and/or possibly physical death.

And furthermore, in the flesh we continue to suffer the harm of the curse given by the Lord to Adam and Eve after disobedience. Therefore, woman, as long as you rely on the flesh to act in your home, your desires will be for your husband, he will rule over you with his flesh, and you will never be happy. For in the person of the carnal man, subject to sin, we are subject to vanity (Genesis 3:14). Indeed, there is only the new birth, the knowledge of the Truth and walking by the Spirit, which frees us from it. Therefore, when you walk by the Spirit, your desires will be for the Bridegroom, Yehoshua, and it is He who will reign over you, these instructions will be orders! And you will find your happiness, your peace, in the action that you carry out through Him and for Him.

This is how we also recognize a man who acts in the flesh, because he will continually seek, on the basis of this curse, to dominate his wife and make her submit to him. Because in reality he does not have to seek for his wife to be submissive to him, the instruction of submission comes from the Lord and not from the will of man. The will of the Lord is that all should be subject to Him. Instruction is submission to the Lord, and it is under the governance of His Spirit , in the order and limits that He establishes that we can submit to whom it may concern ("the spirit of the prophet is subject to the Prophet"). This is why this man will want his wife to submit to the Lord rather than to him, because a woman submitted to the Lord will know how to submit to this husband. And therefore a man who walks in the Spirit will have within him the desires of Mashiah because Mashiah will reign over Him. And a home in which Yehoshua reigns is a home in which Yeshua is Lord and in which there is an abundance of this: Galatians 5 (BYM) 22. "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy , peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, gentleness, self-control." And more, Hallelu-Yah!! For when we walk in the flesh, we fulfill the human will and we are enemies of Elohim, but when we walk in the Spirit, we fulfill the divine will, and we glorify his name.

What will we do ?

We are mistaken because we think that the love spoken of in relation to the marital relationship is fueled primarily by the action of one another. And this practice is widespread in assemblies because, when we speak of "the older ones who must teach the younger ones to love their husbands", we primarily hear advice relating to married life, etc.

Truly you cannot teach someone to love her husband if you do not verify that she knows how to love the Bridegroom, Yehoshua. Because, love according to Yehoshua has prerequisites which are not in the domain of the flesh. She can only truly love him by loving him according to Yehoshua, apart from that it is not loving. To love, you have to know love and love is not a feeling. He who does not “know” Yehoshua is incapable of loving.

There is a fundamental teaching of our Christian faith that remains in the writings of the Epistles to the Hebrews, meaning that: "the things which are seen, are of those which are not exposed to sight." Often, these teachings which are certainly practical and necessary ignore the teachings which fall within the domain of "what is not exposed to view", because loving your husband as signified above will not be limited laying him a perfect table, not to refuse him intimacy or to perfectly fold his pants etc. Loving our husband will also/above all, love his soul, by interceding for him and taking a stand before him, when the Lord leads us to do so, without fear of displeasing him and even if this earns us the label of rebellious, Yehoshua being THE ONLY one to whom we submit unconditionally, I remind us.

The world has many principles in matters of marriage that can hardly be reprimanded, many women know how to do things that were not taught to them in the assembly and which resemble submission as His Word tells us. However, we are talking to older women within the assembly, because those who fear the Lord will have the discernment and maturity to guide you so that the Lord is the one you seek to please in all your conduct, and not just the man in front of you who, like you, must work for his Salvation. And, the Spirit will not always use you in postures that will be comfortable for both. But, all situations will be there to teach us to submit ourselves more to Elohim and to die so that He may live. Let us not forget that the purpose here on earth is firstly resemblance to the son and then Eternity.

For the world, marriage is an exchange of good practices, we offer each other gifts in exchange for the well-being that it will give us or the reward that we will get from each other. And when there is no more exchange in any form, everything stops. Many want to imitate the world and that is why they are unhappy, because they do not understand that the exchange is between the Lord and each person essentially. It is because everyone will be nourished by the source that is the Lord, that each person will be able to do what is necessary in love.

As long as Yehoshua is the one who lives in us and still holding all the rights in our hearts we will be able to love and act, without suspicion ever pushing us to wrongly behave.

“There is no greater love than he who lays down his life” and He who loved us to the point of giving His life, corrects us, reprimands us, deprives us of certain things, yet there is no confusion about the fact that He loves us unconditionally (well, for those who understand it). Thus, if there is questioning (doubt, questioning) about love and its manifestations within the couple, it is because Yehoshua is not in the right place, we cannot do as he does without his impulse.

When we love like the Lord, the soul of the other is precious to us, as it is in the eyes of the Lord. This is truly loving, all our action must mainly be aimed at preserving the Salvation of the soul of the other and be motivated by the deep desire to see them enter into Elohim's plans for their life. As said previously, we must be careful not to fail to play our role of disciple in the life of our spouse, as we are often led to do in the lives of brothers and sisters within the assembly of Church.

Therefore, if everyone's primary goal is to please the Lord and is therefore fueled by His love, it will be difficult to tell a man that he must love his wife in this or that way (buy her flowers, bring her in a restaurant etc), nor to a woman that she must respect her husband in this or that way (do not refuse yourself to your husband...). The best advice in my opinion is to tell people to communicate, to be filled with the Holy Spirit and to trust His instruction because, through His omniscience, He alone knows what is perfect for all and when. Only He is essential.

“All things continue to work for good to those who love him” even when married. Let us not oppose the action He takes in the life of the other, because by constantly seeking to please ourselves, we will fail to please Elohim by defusing the Lord's instruction which would lead us to reprimand or to be firm on something, because we fear not playing the right role.

In a couple's relationship, what is reassuring is not knowing that my husband would be ready to give his life for me. Thee Mashiah has already done so. What is important is not that my wife is incontestably submitted. It is to realize the fidelity to the Mashiah of each person, the sovereign authority that HE IS in his/her life, and consequently to see that he makes and will always make the choice of YHWH, whatever may be the price and even if this choice must displease the other person. Perhaps the best example here is that of the father of faith from whom the Lord asked Isaac as an offering. When he asked Abraham for Isaac, He “did not care” what Sarah would think. We do not have details on what was said to Sarah on this subject. This was not the trial of Abraham and Sarah, although it was bot their children, it was the trial of Abraham ALONE! Being married does not mean that the Lord cannot appeal to us individually. And this is why many stop progressing after their marriage, because they think they are only at the service of their spouse and children, as if their service to the Lord was no longer limited to that (Let us keep remember the words of the Apostle Paul 1 Corinthians 7: 32-35)!

In fact, we don't tell people enough that their loyalty to YHWH can cause them to lose EVERYTHING (don't twist my words, I'm not talking about divorce here). The gospel that is preached these days favors letting people know what they have to gain through Yehoshua while failing to tell them what they will (may) lose by following Him ( Matthew 16:24-28, Luke 9:23-27).

In our discipleship, our obedience leads us to make choices and often we can lose friendships, possessions, etc. along the way for the Salvation of our soul. And when we get married, the issues remain the same ! Let us remember it!

The submission (as to the Lord) that we owe to our husband does not mean that he has the same place as the Lord in our heart, Never!!!! and that his will, his desires prevail over those of the Mashiah!!! This submission let's understand it!! is only possible as long as the submission, devotion, reverence that we owe to the Lord is not violated and the Supreme Authority that he is/has in our lives is not called into question.

As an example, Job's wife asked him to curse Elohim, the Bible tells us of two in a bed, one who is taken up to meet the Bridegroom and the other not. So, although being married we do not have a corporate relationship with the Lord, we continue to be responsible for our soul individually , and to be clothed with the Lord for the work He has planned in advance for each independently of the other and of course, for the couple i

n the home and outside.

Some clarifications

Following certain positions taken in these writings, some will wish to refer to Sarah who called Abraham “my Lord”. Do you know why she called him that? Because she saw YHWH in him, which means that Abraham, through his obedience and submission to YHWH, had completely left room for Him alone. Let us remember that there is only one who has been called the father of faith and that is Abraham. Before we want to benefit from his blessings, let us begin by imitating his faith and obedience !

It should also be noted that Abraham certainly did not ask Sarah to call him that (this is not mentioned anywhere in the scriptures, and even if he had it would have been legitimate), nor even required her to be submissive to him, but rather, he was a model, it was he who taught submission to Sarah, and in what way? By submitting himself to Elohim, without keeping anything, he had offered him what he held most dear.

Some would like to refer to the passage from the Apostle Peter.

As said above, it is not a question of trying to please your husband in order to seduce him in order to win him over to our cause, and for him to do what pleases us. This rebellious or pagan husband is a soul to be saved. What was asked of us is to continue to serve Elohim, to act justly and in the fear of YHWH to whom we owe our devotion to this husband. And, He who changes, touches hearts, thanks to our fidelity and therefore to our faith will take care of saving this soul for whom he gave His Life.

Let us understand clearly that we do not want to win this man over to us so that he will be easier to love, so that it will be less painful to serve him, or so that he will treat us with respect, but rather that he be won to the Lord. This therefore means that it is possible that by observing our fidelity to the Lord, especially in the trial that he has become for us, he will be touched and that this will lead him to repentance.

Knowing all the same that the heart of this man is not different from those which the Lord mentioned in the Parable of the Sower, the choice to follow the Lord always comes back to the people themselves (Revelation 3:20 ), no one is ever forced to follow Him, but, thanks to our faithfulness, a breach can be created in a heart to let the Lord in, as much as because of our unfaithfulness, we can lead a heart to harden and to move further away from the Lord . This is what the Apostle Peter questions us about, it is certainly a woman who questioned him on this subject, this is why he speaks by mentioning the woman first, but it is obvious that this passage is also addressed to a man whose wife is rebellious or pagan.

Some women are unhappy, because they go as far as compromising to please their husband, they use unsuccessful stratagems, because they have not understood that it is not them who must be pleased but YHWH and it is He alone who is able to bring back those who were against you and even your enemy in your favor (Proverbs 16:7), above all, who saves souls, Hallelu-Yah!!! They therefore find themselves, because of their compromise, distanced from the Lord.

The final word

Indeed, most of the advice given is in fact only the result of what should be and not the means, the means being The Lord Himself.

Nowadays, we observe, a man can know how to cook better than his wife (there are men whose job is to be Chef or maître d'hôtel...) and be the one who teaches her how to do it. Are we going to consider this a failure for this woman? A man can be more orderly than his wife, he can run a house and do it even better than his wife, should we remind him that this is not his role ? Should one reprimand his wife for this ? And for what reason ? Is this a cause for repudiation? Doesn't he do it in love?

Cannot a man receive instruction from Elohim through his wife, who is as much clothed with the Holy Spirit as he is? Is it forbidden for her to carry visions concerning the couple? Once again has she not received the Spirit of the Lord who gives her gifts, talents and who gives her intelligence?? And no ! His talents are not only linked to running the house and raising children. Galatians 3:26-29, Ecclesiastes 4:9.

The Lord said one thing, it is hardness of heart which is the cause of marital problems and therefore divorce. People blame the distribution of taks and the words of the Apostle Paul on their lack of love, or rather their inability to love like Yehoshua and therefore, the fact that they are still under the curse because of the flesh which has power over them. Because if we love the other, the Bible makes us understand that it is love that triumphs, we therefore act with the other as we would like others to do for us! Why the greatest thing is love in reference to 1 Corinthians 13:13, because it is not the feeling that we no longer seem to feel when we think we are suffering injustice within the couple , but this Love is the very person of Yehoshua, because He is the personification of Agape Love.

Finally, make no mistake, I am not talking about roles in the local assembly here, that is not my point of the day.

As said above, it is a relationship of love, what is more, of two people who become one (According to YHWH). I am talking about everyday life and the action of Elohim in the life of each individual in the home. Our daily lives which are so different and of which no aspect escapes the Lord. I speak of Him as the Master of all men and women, I speak of Him who is Love, who teaches love, and who is the path of love. I am talking about the one who is not content to judge an action, without taking into account the state of the heart. And above all, I speak of Him, who makes His home in us and who makes us beings no longer just made of flesh and blood, but whose spiritual life in them triumphs over their physical life.

Can a man after Yehoshua's heart tell his wife that he cannot do this or that other thing (let's talk about domestic chores) because it is up to her to do it? Can a woman tell her husband that, for example, she cannot provide for financial needs in the home because it is her husband's responsibility to provide for the family? When there are births at home, for nighttime awakenings or for any other care, only the woman should be responsible for this? You will tell me the question does not arise, we must also take into account the context, and yes, there is a context to the words of the Apostle Paul and what is not understood, let the Holy Spirit teach us.

Your daily life is not like everyone else's and when his Word comes to you it is first in relation to what you experience in your individuality. What He made you understand at one time may not be valid for another. Because, He who knows all things, has much deeper information about the cause of things which escape us.

He has always been the solution, but he has not always used the same method for everyone. The families in which you grew up may be different, there are many spiritual factors that may escape us, but we want to standardize His Word and worse by mixing it with pagan ways of doing things. This is why we so often fail to truly help households in difficulty. Let us discern His instructions and carry them out without detour.

Let's be clear : this is not about questioning the role of each person, nor of favoring women, but rather of alerting us and leading us to reflect on our way of understanding marriage, of understanding the notions of equality, equity, Justice and Love according to the one who is the prescriber and guarantor of it. And above all to challenge us about life through the Spirit which is now (supposed to be) the reality of all those who claim to be disciples of Yehoshua, concerning all areas of their earthly life.

Yehoshua is the head of the Church, and he is a leader who does not flinch, who has never sought his own interest, who has loved against all. He is a Husband for her (Church) whose love has no variation, his heart is only purity towards her, He is the one who first loved her which is why the “true Church” cannot express opposition or resistance towards Him. He did not demand of her, but He showed her the path of submission by submitting himself and obeying the Father until death on the cross, and by dying for her on the cross He manifested love in its ultimate degree.

Above all, He is now the one who lives in each of us through His Spirit, it is he who lives and reigns over our entire being. He communicates to us his thoughts, his desires, his vision etc. And when we get married, he does not stop living in us and being the one who reigns. Commitment to our spouses does not make us independent of Him, on the contrary. This therefore means that He will not ask permission from Mr or Mrs if He wants to use one or the other, it is up to us to discern what He is doing and to align ourselves accordingly to his will.

We like to say, everything we are, and have belongs to him. In other it's mean that He is the absolute Master but when he comes to practically living it, it is something else entirely.

Thus, we cannot neglect our intimacy with Him, nor the submission, the personal and individual obedience, which we owe to him, under the pretext that He is also the one who instituted marriage and these modes of operation because, He is the limit in everything we do in our home and in our life in general.

Let us not forget that our whole life is a work for Him and a service to His glory. Although we are on this earth and that, like all the inhabitants of the earth, we have obligations that lead us into a sort of routine over which we believe we have control. So we think there are areas of our lives that we need to manage without Him having to give us instructions or intervene. Thus, we legitimize our dual personality, one where we are fully ourselves (therefore carnal), with which we decide and manage a certain number of aspects of our lives as it suit us (and we are surprised not to have victory). And one, where we are Spirit, therefore one who lives under the influence of the Lord.

However, as in the posts on The Cross ( it's no longer me who lives apprehended on this blog, we must definitely understand that there can be no cohabitation. The carnal man dies and the new man of whom Ephesians speaks to us who lives to do the will of the Father is the one we now are, in the image of the Son (Yehoshua). And this son, although having been subject to earthly obligations like us today, and even in His status as a child with parents, His mission was not limited to this immediate environment nor to simply being the perfect son of his earthly parents. At some point he had to step away from His different roles (which he fulfilled under the direction of the Father) to enter into that of His "call". All this to say that the call of a woman/wife who lives by the Spirit is not limited only to her mission within the home.

He will never tell us not to serve our husband, but if when He wants us at His feet or in another service and not in the service of the home we do not know how to discern or do not know how to stop, and continue to serve in the home still believing we are in obedience when we are already sinning.

Everything we are is His, all we have is His, all is a work for Him. Even our service to him cannot come before Him (Remember Martha). He is the one who tells us when to stop and when to continue, and He continues to do so even when we are married. Each member of the couple must understand this, He will not always ask us to do some things as a couple, or obeying Him will not only mean doing something for his husband or his wife. He is our authority and we must understand that we cannot overstep His authority. Therefore, one of the fundamental principles of love is that it banishes suspicion, and it is essential that the marriage relationship be free from suspicion. Either we have information from the Lord, and we act accordingly, or we are simply suspecting the other of doing wrong and we become an obstacle because we are in the flesh. In this case, we have only two possible informants as well as two possible modes of action, the Holy Spirit or the carnal man who is under the influence of the evil one. At this point one thing must remain in our thoughts Galatians 5:25 “if we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit”.

To YHWH ALONE the Glory,

Your sister.